Pain, depression & anxiety


Pain, depression, anxiety….so many of us struggle with one or all three on different levels throughout our life. We cannot control the curve-balls life throws at us. Sometimes those curve-balls can be so overwhelming and almost debilitating at times. And for those who have no support system, the loneliness creeps up and there’s where the ugly face of fear and doubt start playing with our minds. Feelings of hopelessness, failure, fear of the future and the uncertainty that brings.

I’ll be honest, I’ve been struggling. I deal with physical pain on a daily basis, lasting effects from a drunk driver, and that in of itself can be difficult to deal with. Not just the pain, but my physical limitations, not being able to do the things that I once loved to do. Just going for a simple long drive into the country, I can’t physically do, my nerves cause my legs and feet to go numb and I can’t push the gas petal or brake. I feel like a failure, and pathetic. It’s depressing not going to lie.

Past year and a half I’ve been in the middle of a divorce limbo, while living thousands of miles away from friends and family. This is an extremely lonely time for me. Not having a support system, people to be around and lean on, or someone to just be there, is hard.

Today I just completely had a meltdown. I cried to God. I’m not trying to make you feel sorry for me, I’m trying to express how deep this loneliness and pain really is so maybe if you’re having similar thoughts and feelings you can relate as well. But like I was saying, I cried out to God…”why God, why all the pain, why the loneliness? Please just speak to me.” At that point I felt led to get out my bible. I laid my hand over it and asked God to speak to me through His living word. “Lord, I need to hear from you. I need a word. I am weak, and full of pain, anxiety, and stress, please just speak to me.”

I opened my bible, the first sentence on top of the page read, “is not the Lord your God with you?” Then it hit me like a ton of bricks, God alone is all I need, as long as He is with me, either by my side or carrying me, the point is that He alone is all I need, I don’t need to be with all my friends and family, because He is all I need. People will always let us down, and cannot be our entire support all the time, the only person we can truly rely on is God himself, who is always there with us no matter the time, day, or circumstance. This is a lesson I probably would never have learned if I wasn’t in this situation that I’m in. I don’t think I would truly understand how much I truly need God, when He is all that I have, all that I lean on.

I went on to read the book of Chronicles. And this study portion at the beginning really spoke to my heart.

[In David’s parting words to Solomon, he charged his young son, “Now set your heart and your soul to seek the Lord your God” (22:19).

“When you think about it, every day of our lives is a new chapter. Each morning we open our eyes to the light, it is a fresh opportunity to begin life anew. How do we make today better than yesterday? We deliberately reset our direction. We consciously choose, before our feet hit the floor, that we will give the Lord and our relationship with Him first priority. As best as I know how, and with the help and guidance of your Holy spirit, I deliberately set my heart this day to you, to serve you, to follow you and please you. With our daily course set, the redeemed of God will experience greater confidence, a firmer sense of purpose and a lot more joy. ]

Every day is an opportunity to start fresh. A second chance to turn things around, to make better decisions, to grow closer to God.

One day at a time and with God’s help is how to get through these hard times, and rough days. Always remember you are not alone, God is by your side, He listens to your prayers, your cries, your worries, your fears. We just have to be open to Him, talk to Him in prayer, and read the love letter He wrote to us. There’s a reason why the Bible is called the living word. It brings life to all who read it. It’s so easy to become withdrawn in all areas of our lives when we feel depressed/stressed/anxious, and our prayer life and devotion time can also be a big part that we withdrawal from, but it’s vital to overcoming our circumstances, and important that we’re feeding our soul especially during times where our souls our suffering most.

Be encouraged and know that

“You are braver than you believe,

Stronger than you seem,

Smarter than you think &

Loved more than you know!”





God’s Wildflower



I know a lot of you are probably wondering why or how I came up with the name “God’s wildflower”. When i think about who I am, and my faith, this seems to be the best way I can describe it. I’m not perfect, I have lots of  flaws, i sometimes go against the grain,  I sometimes feel inadequate or not normal, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not talented enough, etc. But I’ve come to the realization that no matter where I am, whatever shape or condition I’m in, I’m still  God’s child. I don’t have to be perfect in order for God to love me. He loves me no matter how I look, or how talented I am. And I can bloom like a wildflower for God anywhere he plants me. Wildflowers bloom in adversity , it’s amazing they survive in the wilderness through bad weather and storms, and they always come back every year in due season and blossom. Wildflowers to me are a symbol of strength and perseverance, which is what I want my faith to be…..strong and ever so ready to persevere whatever may come my way!